Top Dog

If we settled our differences like dogs and cats, forgetting and forgiving easily, would our world be a better place?

Last night my two medium sized dogs (Welsh Terrier and Corgi/American Eskimo mix) got into a tussle over dominance.  It seemed to be a dispute over who was top dog.  The two dogs were biting one another and fighting very aggressively.   I didn’t know how to stop the fight without being bitten.  It totally freaked me out, and I couldn’t help but think that one of them might hurt the other.

The dogs seemed to be filled with adrenaline, with their sole focus on winning the fight.  My efforts to stop them were futile.  I threw water, screamed, and threw small objects in an attempt to separate them, but nothing fazed them.  In those frenzied moments, it was clear that they had lost all objectivity.

But within minutes, the fight was over.  Each dog went to a different side of the backyard, to their own corners, so to speak.   Within five minutes of being apart, they were back in the center of the yard together, playing affectionately.  There was no longer anger.  There were no grudges.  The rest of the night was very peaceful. 

I have witnessed similar situations with my cats.  They sometimes fight over territory and dominance, but they wisely give wide berths to those with whom they are temporarily in conflict, and they forget and forgive quickly. 

Isn’t the planet big enough for all us to do that?  Yes, we will have our differences, but isn’t there room for all of us to eat, pee, and sleep where we feel safe?  

How often do we lose our objectivity in the heat of a moment?  When adrenaline runs through our body and we have the urge to fight, can we learn to forgive and forget before we act out a dispute?  Do we really need automatic weapons?  Do we have to kill to win?

In the President’s Inaugural speech on Monday, he reminded us of the following:  “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights that among these are life, Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”   Why, then, do we feel justified in fighting and judging our foes who don’t see it our way?  Do we think we are better, smarter or more deserving?

 Isn’t it time we learn to forgive and forget as easily as our animal friends?

“Miss Guided”….friend or foe?

I had the most wonderful day yesterday. I drove from San Diego to Los Angeles to visit three fabulous cousins I hadn't seen in twenty-five years.  What a delight!   My cousins are terrific and I had a great time with them. 

I have plenty of experience driving all over San Diego and Orange Counties, but not Los Angeles.  But I felt quite confident with my trusty but rebellious GPS at my side.   I have nicknamed her  “Miss Guided” when she gives me proper directions, and * “Misguided” when she sends me on a wildly wrong-way adventure, or so it seems at the time. 

To be extra cautious, I printed MapQuest directions to compare to Miss G’s guidance.  I use Miss G quite a bit locally, and have grown accustomed to her repeatedly telling me to turn around and make legal u-turns.  I was hopeful that she would be quite helpful in the unfamiliar expansiveness of Los Angeles. 

After High Tea with my cousins, I got into my car and activated the command to “go home”.  While waiting for “Miss Guided” to map my route, I called a cousin on my blue tooth device to tell her about the get together. From that moment on, when “Misguided” spoke to me, she and I ended up arguing.  "Where are you taking me, why turn here, where are we?" and "OMG I think she is crazy" comprised the first ten minutes of my argument with the talking machine.  My cousin is of course howling with laughter that I am arguing with my GPS.  I try to explain to her that I must be excused briefly to talk to this voice that is sending on odd streets.  " But we didn't come this way, why highway 10 and then 60?” And “seriously, are you taking me to Palm Springs?"   My cousin is laughing so hard she can barely speak as I rant and rave with Miss G.  Finally “Miss Guided” wins and she gets me to Highway 5.  I thanked her for the circuitous route home and promptly turned her off.

My Irish nature has gifted me with a birthright of wanting to buck the system.  But seriously, arguing with someone who isn't real!  Hmm.  I wonder how many of us have declared our GPS to be terrific when helpful but a pain in the ass when they are not.  Is it only those of us who are Irish?

After the experience with “Miss Guided”, I recalled previously giving a San Diego address to “Misguided” and her repeatedly stating that there was no such address.  After several attempts, I consulted a USA map and realized that “Misguided” was giving me directions for Baltimore, Maryland.  And yesterday when inquiring about Santa Monica Boulevard, “Misguided” gave me directions to New Jersey.  Thank heavens I didn’t listen.   I would still be driving!

Almost at my house I saw two double rainbows at different locations, I must be doing something right with Miss Guided.

It was great to get home to my four-leggeds.  Upon my return, they wagged their tails, licked my hands, and were ready to play.  Thank heavens they didn’t want to talk (or argue)!

* Marcia Q Neel coined this word in 2003

Long-Lasting Animal Friendships

At long last, scientists and animal advocates are finally recognizing that animals have strong emotions.  They feel grief, joy, sadness, excitement, and most of all,  love.  They are extremely compassionate and unconditional of all species by nature. 

A few nights ago I watched a PBS special called  "Nature:  Animal Odd Couples".  The documentary showed that love apparently knows no boundaries in the animal kingdom.  The couples  from the wild featured on the show were quite remarkable.

Despite the odds, there were stories of the most unlikely cross-species relationships imaginable: a goat guiding a blind horse; a doe's regular visits to her Great Dane surrogate mother; a juvenile gibbon choosing to live with a family of capuchins, a lion and a coyote as playmates, a goose as best friend and protector for a tortoise, and so on. Instincts gone awry?   

This subject has mystified scientists for years.  The film investigates why animals form these special bonds.  Informed by the observations of caregivers and noted scientists Temple Grandin and Marc Bekoff, the film explores what these relationships suggest about the nature of animal emotions.

As we humans grieve for our loved ones, so do animals grieve for the companions they have lost.  There was a beautiful story of a goat who took care of his horse friend who had first gone blind in one eye, then the other.  The goat was the eyes of his horse friend as the horse's illness progressed.  When the horse passed away, the goat grieved for his friend for quite some time.  Elephants are known for their intense grieving and need for ceremony after their friends have passed away.  They have a circling and bellowing ritual they do to honor their deceased. 

I was so impressed by the beautiful creatures in the film, their love for each other and their openness to fun, joy, play, adventure and love.  These creatures didn't care if they looked alike, if  they ate the same food, or were the same size;  companionship and love surpassed all. Below is a famous you-tube video of the great friendship of an elephant and a dog.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjyb0t5Jm44

Many of us don't need to look far to see evidence of the benefits of cross-species companionship.  Our cats, dogs, birds, fish, hamsters, and others can all get along just fine without our help. They make their own fun together if they feel lonely, bored, adventurous, or just need companionship.  Perhaps human genders, races, and political parties could learn from their example!  If they can do it, why can't we?

Nature

 As I feel 2012 coming to a close, I am desiring to slow down and follow my animals' example of listening.  

There is so much in the silence and sounds of nature from which to learn.

Have you ever wondered why animals are so attuned to nature and aware of what is happening outside?  Even when they are relaxing and snoozing, they shift to high alert immediately if danger is near.  They don't miss a thing.  Their animal nature respects adventure, noise, aroma, surprise, beauty, and last but not least, silence.  

I once had a very amazing teacher who said, "Nature always gives back, go to nature and ask for what you want.  It will return to you twofold".  This last sentence I added because although I couldn't remember his exact words, this was certainly the essence of his message.

I know when I go out in nature, I always feel better . Yesterday I rolled on the grass, and found the experience to be both fun and relaxing.  As I reflected upon my teacher's message about communicating with nature about what you want, I also recalled his suggestion that if you can't get out in nature or onto the earth, you can bring nature inside to you.  He suggested that to do this, you can take a large bowl or pan, fill it with Mother Earth, put in under your desk or wherever you spend time, immerse your bare feet in the dirt, and feel the relaxation Mother Earth brings to you.

Our animals seem to know this well.  They can spend an eternity simply observing and relaxing in nature.  I find following this advice a bit challenging, but also healing.  My mind seems to stop whirling, my senses seem to calm, and my intuition seems to heighten when I immerse myself in silence and in Mother Earth.

Give it a try and see if you agree!

Lessons on forgiveness

 We mere mortals spend so much of our lives hanging onto things, harboring resentment and regret, and criticizing ourselves and others.  But do our pets carry such burdens?  Well, I admit to having a few cats who have let me know after I have been gone for a few days that they are not pleased.   But for the most part, my experience with pets is that they forgive quickly and let go. 

Why in the world do we two-leggeds  hang on to what we perceive as righteous criticism?  This has come to mind recently because the pain in my shoulder has brought my attention to resentment that I have been shouldering.  Are there lessons to learn from my shoulder pain?  And are there lessons to learn from our animals?   

Yesterday I spent the day writing down what had been bothering me, things that I felt resentful about and justified in feeling about others in my life.  Through forgiveness, I physically alleviated some pain that had been stuck in my neck and shoulder.  I didn't get rid of all of the pain, but I had an opportunity to observe and feel a difference.  

And yes, I have lessons to learn from my animals as well.  My heart melts at their ability to let go of any annoyance, regret or anger.  Their brains don't hold onto it, I believe, because they live in the moment.  How wise they are not to hold resentment in their bodies!  Their patience and acceptance in life is admirable and in turn, serves them well.  They don't look at life through filters as we do, filters which are typically clogged up with familial behaviors and patterns that skew our perception of people and circumstances.  Our animals don't waste time looking through rear-view mirrors, questioning choices about themselves and others.  And when we humans slip into this mode, does it serve us? 

Life is too short not to forgive.  Forgiveness is truly the way to joy and healing.  Our pets are living examples of the joy of living with a forgiving heart.  Watch them, be with them, play with them, and try not to smile.